Looks Like an American



The new legislation in Arizona got me wondering if I could pass the “real” American test. Since this isn’t about how a person looks, at least that’s what they say, I’m wondering if my suspicious behavior would attract attention. I wear clothes made in Bangladesh, drive an imported car, drink Dos Equis beer, questioned the war in Iraq (which in the last administration was the epitome of “un-American”), like huevos rancheros, don’t understand our Cuban policy, like foreign films, try not to act like an American when traveling, and occasionally, eat French fries.

So how do we identify a real American? I’m proposing we reinstate the old trick from the WWII movies with questions like “Who won the World Series in 1942?” Everyone knows the Saint Louis Cardinals won that series in 5 games, so the questions need to be updated. Here’s what I propose for questions every real American should be able to answer:

What is a Tea Party?
Which Presidential candidate invented the internet?
What does it mean to hike the Appalachian Trail?
What is a derivative?
Name any two of the American Idol judges.

Let’s not be too tough on this - all you need is 4 correct answers and you get to stay “in the home of the brave and the land of the free” for another year.

Oh, I almost forgot, you need at least one flag on your person or vehicle at all times.

A. Reader