Travels with Honey: More on GPS navigation

It seems that Honey is full of surprises. Honey is now the nickname I have applied to my new Garmin nuvi 255W GPS navigator. Saturday evening, we were headed to a wedding in Loveland, Ohio. I had a fair idea where that might be based on the directions that came with the wedding invitation. But, I thought, this could be an opportunity to give Honey her toughest test yet. I won't say she failed. I don't know how to describe what she did.

There are two ways to get to Loveland, which is north east of Cincinnati just off I-275. The most direct route is probably to go south on Rte. 42 from Xenia and pick up I-71 near Lebanon. A reasonable alternative is to go south on I-675/I-75. Both will get you down to I-275. However, I-71 joins it a few miles closer to the exit for Loveland. The problem with that route is that some of it is on what can best be described as back roads. Just like a man, as Amy would say, I opted for I-675 without even considering what Honey might have in mind for me.

Being a Southender, I started out south on US 68. Honey and I were in accord until we got to Hyde Road. I wanted to make a right - Honey wanted me to continue south on 68. I turned onto Hyde.

"Recalculating," Honey said. "Turn left on Snively."

I kept going

"Recalculating," she said. "Turn left on East Enon."

I kept going.

"Recalculating. Turn left on OH 235," she demanded. "Then turn right on Hilltop Road."

Until this point, I had thought she wanted to go down 42 and 71. But that business about Hilltop Road threw me. I began to realize that she had never intended to go down 42. It seemed like, all along, her original plan had been to take me on Hilltop, perhaps to US 35 and then West to 675. I know the route, because that's the way I go to Tractor Supply to buy chicken feed.

If you know Hilltop Road, you know it's one of the worst winding roads around here. This past spring a kid driving home from the Career Center was killed when he failed to negotiate one of its 90 degree bends. It hardly seems like a good way to start out and hour-long drive. I couldn't imagine what else Honey had in mind. Was there another back road after Hilltop, or was it to be US 35 west? Or maybe she was trying to do me in after our first date, when I refused to make a u-turn and drive her back to Sam's Club. This was getting downright Hitchcockian.

Once I was on 675, she stopped badgering me and we were in accord all the way to Loveland. We arrived safely at the wedding and on-time, too.

It was around 11:00 p.m. as we headed for the car after the reception.

"I wonder what she's going to do, now," I said to Amy.

"Oh, no! You don't need that thing to get home," she said. "You already know the way."

"I want to see how she takes us," I said. "Whatever she does, let's just follow."

Amy gave in and I turned Honey on and pressed the "Home" icon.

"Drive to the highlighted route," she said. "Turn right on Loveland-Madeira Road."

So far so good.

"Turn right onto the ramp for I-275. Then turn right onto I-71"

Good girl, I thought. Whatever were you thinking when we started this trip? But I still had deep lingering doubts. Was she going to try to get me onto that dreaded Hilltop Road in the dark? Was she going to do us in..?

"What do you think?" I asked Amy.

"Do what she says!" she replied.

"Turn right on OH 48 and drive to Oh 42," Honey said.

For the next 30 minutes or so, until we hit Waynesville, we were on backroad Ohio in the dark. But it was a piece of cake compared to Hilltop Road.

"That route seemed a lot shorter," Amy said as we pulled into the driveway.

"Yes, dear," I said as I reached for the on/off switch. "Good night, Honey."